Stupid Roller Coasters

This is my friend Anthony. Everybody say, “Hi Anthony.”

This is Anthony doing what he loves.

Anthony is a lover of roller coasters. He knows the history of roller coasters, the difference between wood coasters and metal coasters, the mechanics of coasters, and he even has a sick tattoo on his arm of a roller coaster. The coaster love is serious people.

This is Jess and Heather. Everybody say, “Hi Jess and Heather.”

We’re not roller coaster people. We’re the kind of gals that like to ride the swings, just don’t go too fast or too high because we just ate funnel cakes.

So let me break this whole adoption thing down for you, the best way I know how, by metaphor of course.

The day you decide to adopt is the day you buy your ticket to the amusement park.

The wait until a birth mom picks you is like the wait on a hot summer day to get on your most favorite ride ever. You get aggravated, excited, anxious, pissed off at the people that go before you because you know for sure you got in line before them.

Before you know it, you’ve zig-zagged your way to the red line, talked to everyone beside you and finally, it’s your turn. IT’S FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!  You get in, lock yourself in, put your hands up and you’re off.

Fast around the corner and then…you stop again. And you wait. Climbing the hill, slowly, tick, tick, tick, waiting for that rush of adrenaline, tick, tick, tick, for the moment you’ve been waiting for, tick, tick, tick. For the drop, the loop, the upside down and the corkscrews. Tick, tick, tick, why didn’t we just ride the damn swings.  And then you drop, and scream and pray a bug doesn’t fly in your mouth (that’s not adoption, that’s my life), it’s everything you expected. Nothing feels as freeing, as fun or scary at that very moment. Until you stop again, to go up the next hill…tick, tick, tick.

This is adoption.

An emotional roller coaster.

Erica, (birth mom) has had a rough two weeks, emotionally. Which means we’ve had a rough two weeks, emotionally.

Two weeks ago Erica had a bad day at the doctor, (baby is fine). This led to her saying she would not go back, which led to her not wanting to talk to us. Tick, tick. tick.

Social worker said this is common, not a red flag and stated the next three months will be the hardest  and most stressful emotional roller coaster ride we’ve ever been on. Yeah, we got it, tick, tick, freaking tick.

And then, out of nowhere, we get an email that says, “someone wanted to say hi,” Attached are three beautiful pictures of Erica outside of the doctor’s office waving hello. Our hands are up, our heart is full and we’re enjoying the ride.

Social Worker emailed this evening, she is sending a new disc with new ultrasound images and, “Erica says hello and she hopes to talk to you all soon.”

Anthony, save us a spot in line, we’re getting a season pass. I have a feeling we’re going to be here for a while. So long swings.

Until the next update, Cheers!!!

-Jess and HK

Our First Family Photo

When thinking about adoption, or even talking to others about adoption, one of the main questions asked, are you going to have an open or closed adoption? Our answer has always been closed. But then it went to semi-open. We have agreed to three letters a year, including pictures. What we never talked about, or even thought about, was the relationship with the birth mother, before the birth. Never. Not once, did I picture myself thinking about the next time I would talk to the woman carrying our child. Not once did I think I would ache to talk to our birth mom on the phone. No way did I think I would really like her, dare I say care about her. 

Now listen, we understand boundaries. We respect these boundaries on both sides. There's no way you can have a conversation with a woman that is giving you her child and not develop some sort of connection. Did I mention she's funny, she's smart, she's beautiful, she has a southern twang and listens to the Grateful Dead. 

Tonight was our second Skype Date (that's what we're calling it...dates). Although the nerves were still there, it felt more casual. Yvette (the social worker) gave her the card we sent her. We asked questions about her cravings, (chocolate and Chinese food). She told us about her heartburn. She met Gigi and Granddad (Heather's mom and step-dad). We laughed, we cried, we saw her cute little baby bump. And then...AND THENNNNNNN...

Our First Family Photo

Erica held up the ultrasound, so we took a picture. If you reallllly look you can see the outline of his profile on the top left. If you look harder than that, well, you just see a bunch of black and white lines. Obviously, from the looks on our faces, it took us a while to see his face too. 

Erica goes to the doctor on Monday and we will schedule another date after that. We told her she could send us letters, which are sent via the social worker. We want her to know we are holding her hand through this journey, even though we are 1800 miles away. 

Until then...

HK and Jess

It's really happening

Let's all take a big deep breath. Ready. Inhale. Hold it...hold it. Exhale slowly. Repeat if necessary. Dudes...we're having a baby. Yeah, I KNOW!!!!! 

I'm going to attempt and make this short and sweet. But, we all know I take the long way around everything. You get more facts this way, and we all like the facts. So let's begin. 

Jess and I made the decision to adopt right at a year ago. We contacted Heart to Home Adoption Agency and we have seriously worked with the nicest person ever. Her name is Leigh and she has guided us through this journey with the most optimism one could possibly have. Even when we weren't feeling those same optimal vibes. We created a profile, we turned in a crazy amount of paperwork and we waited. And waited. Annnnnnnnd, waited. Nothing. So, we decided it was time to branch out, nationally. 

Now, here's the deal. While your home agency continues to show your profile to local birth mom's, you get in touch with other adoption lawyers and agencies. They make you aware of situations they have and you apply for that birth mom to look at your profile. Yep, that's right, you apply. And these applications are not free. A birth mom is then given a list of couples who have applied, and they choose one couple (or single person), who they feel is best to raise their child. 

Let me tell you something peeps, rejection in the dating world ain't got nothing on rejection in the "I want to be a mom, please pick me," world. I promise. 

While we hadn't given up, we had merely slowed down the process of applying. I was going to finish school, we talked about the possibilities of fostering, or, we just didn't talk about it at all. 

September 19, I received an email from one of the lawyers we have been working with. She attached two different profiles of birth mom's in Arizona. No application fee. Boom. Yes, please. Why not? 

September 21st, I emailed all paperwork and our PowerPoint profile to lawyer. 

September 22nd, "I received all your information and I'm forwarding to agency in Arizona now."

September 23rd, "Hi Heather, this is rare, but it does happen, you and Jess have been picked by one of the birth mom's and she wants to know if you can Skype Wednesday before she makes her final decision." (Holy poop my pants. Cue happy dance in the back yard with Jess.)

September 24th, We Skype with potential birth mom for introduction, we felt an instant connection. 

September 25th, "Hey Heather, it's Robyn from (agency in Arizona), Erica picked you and Jess and if you will accept her offer to be your birth Mom, we will send you paper work to get started." (Cue to pull over on the side of the road, cry, talk to Robyn for an hour on said side of the road. Cue again to the LONGEST drive home to tell Jess, tears, tears, tears, happy dance, tears!!!!) 

Here are the facts:

Erica can turn away at any time and we are completely aware of this. 

We are beginning this process with the end in sight, so we want to focus on the future with our child, not what could go wrong. 

Erica is having a boy. 

She is 22 weeks and due February 3rd. 

We will Skype with Erica every week and I will continue to update you on questions and concerns and all the joys in between. 

We shall call him...Shane Patrick Kimberling. 

We love him (and Erica, and her selfless decision to give him up for adoption) and we can't wait to create a life of love, happiness and safety for this precious soul. 

Stay tuned...

HK and Jess

(I think this was the picture that won her over)

(Actually, she picked us because she liked our house. Reminded her of where she grew up)