Let's talk about FM

I've struggled with this post for a while. Do I talk about her without her knowing? What do I say? I can't tell her story. It's hers after all. But people need to know about her. She's a huge part of our story. 

In the most respectful way, I will tell you about FM. 

If Hollywood were going to pick someone to match her looks they would cast a young Holly Hunter (less twang, but the y'alls are very present and proud). A bohemian, free-spirit with a hard shell to crack on the outside and a beautiful, yet fragile, resilient soul on the inside.  

Hollywood would get it right this time. Last time they picked Julia Roberts and Ellen Degeneres to play us. I told you, we don't make the rules. 

The road leading up to right now has not been easy for FM. She has made some pretty selfish decisions in her life time, who hasn't. But let's get one thing clear, she is anything but selfish. 

The past few months getting to know FM have been an emotional roller coaster for all of us. When we began this journey we had no idea the effect (affect? I never know) this young lady would have on our lives. In more ways than one. 

As this journey comes to and end and opens the path for a whole new beginning for us and what we can only imagine will be the most handsomest of men, a new journey begins for FM. 

FM has asked us to be in the delivery room with her. We have accepted for more than one reason. Keep reading.  

She has asked the baby be born and immediately be taken away. She doesn't want to see him or hear him (if possible). We are to follow the baby and leave social worker to be with FM. 

I asked FM if this is what she really wants (I mean, this is a very personal, vulnerable room we will be in) and she said, "you need that bond with him. That first initial bond is everything." 

That's when I knew, she's doing this for us. For a lot of other reasons (her story), but this one...this one is for us. Jess and Heather. (Ellen and Julia). 

We have always been under the assumption that someone other than the social worker, a family member or maybe a close friend, would be there for her. We learned tonight, she will be by herself through this whole process. Friends, let me tell you something, the thought of that young lady going through this process alone has nearly broken us down. 

So here's my plan, holla if you hear me. I will update you when we are headed to the hospital. I ask all my prayer warriors, energy senders, tree huggers, belly rubbin' Buddha lovers to be with our sweet FM. 

I know these same vibes will be with our sweet baby boy and I am so thankful, but I need to know as we rush out of the room to have that initial bond with our baby Shane, that she will feel that same love and support we do from each and every one of you on a daily basis. 

We are meeting her face to face, person to person, belly to belly for the first time on Thursday. We are nervous. She is nervous. We get a tour of the hospital and the down low on what is happening on the big day. 

Come on SUPER BOWL BABY!!!!!! #gohawks

Thanks for all the love and support you all give to us, especially to FM. 

Cheers, 

HK and Jess

What Would Cavemen Do?

This has been a popular saying in this baby bungalow of ours for the last twenty four hours. First world problems. I mean, how are we supposed to know how Willie and Matt are doing on the Today Show? No TV. How do we store our food? Mini-fridge. Where will we put all of our stuff (my stuff)? No closet and a two drawer chest. Not to mention we have to fold up our bed everyday to walk across the room when not sleeping. As if? 

Have you ever seen the documentary Tiny? If you haven't you need to. It's about people who build tiny houses and live small, on purpose. There are people in this world who have tiny houses or no houses, not on purpose. For the next 3 or 4 weeks (please let it be only 3 or 4 weeks), we will live tiny, in a 398 square foot guest house. Our hosts, Flora and Victor, they live in a very large square foot house next to us (show-offs). I have never met a family so welcoming in my life. And they're huggers. I love hugs.

 When Shane gets here, we will cuss, we will probably yell at each other because everything is tiny (except for us). The one thing we won't be is ungrateful. It's hard sometimes to really take in what you have and be grateful for it when you are so used to all the "stuff" you already have. 

Our plan today...Target. Getting stocked on all our needs and ready for the big call. Which we were told could be within the week. 

Hopefully we can fit in a trip to Grand Canyon and Sedona if time allows. 

For now...

Welcome to our baby bungalow, where the view and the spiritual energy is anything but tiny. 

Our front yard

Cheers 

HK and Jess

Hotels Be Gone

When we began our search for a place to stay during our trip to Phoenix, we quickly found out it was not going to be an easy process.

A) We are guaranteed to be there for at least two weeks due to ICPC laws (look it up). Could be quicker, could be longer, but all professional peeps that do this every day say bank on two weeks. 

B) ICWA laws (look it up). We're banking on three weeks. 

C) Superbowl the same weekend of FM's due date. (Go Hawks). 

D) Do we want to stay in a hotel for possibly three weeks? No kitchen or kitchenette unless you get a suite and from what we found the Extended Stays in the area were not suitable for our needs. Don't even get me started on the racket that is valet parking at hotels. And then to park yourself you STILL have to pay for off-site parking, I told you, don't get me started. 

We just so happened to be at the Pub one night, which is so weird because we are NEVER there. This cute, funny, genius bartender, I think her name is Cameron recommended Airbnb.

Turns out, Cameron and her best friend Blair are published authors. You can pre-order their book, My Old Kentucky Road Trip: Historic Destinations and Natural Wonders on Amazon now. (not that we love and consider the staff at The Pub as our family, because we never go there. Ever.)

How cute are they?!?

Annnnywho...

After three and a half hours of searching and emailing different people and houses on Airbnb, we found a beautiful guest house that fits our basic needs and our price. Flora, the owner of the house has been an absolute dream to work with. Not only is she letting us stay in her guest house, she is truly excited to share in our journey. One that will be filled with nothing but joy, laughter and well, you know there's going to be some stories. I mean come on, it's a 380 square foot house, a newborn and the possibility of only an outdoor shower. I just discovered that last part out today, it's okay, it's an adventure, we got this!!!

If things get a little stressful, we will take a walk through the rock labyrinth (look it up), which I am SUPER excited about.

Well, that's it for today. I'll share some more good news with you in a couple of days. We leave in SIX days!!

P.S. Looks like I have given you all a little homework with all the "look it ups." If you don't feel like looking it up or care...then just go watch The Labyrinth movie with David Bowie, it's soooooo good!!!! 

Cheers 

HK and Jess

Welcome Back

Helllllloooooooo (waving obnoxiously and said in my best Jerry Seinfeld voice).

I know, I know, it’s been too long. For those of you that Jess and I see on a regular basis you are pretty much filled in on all the good stuff. For those of you whom we don’t see on a regular, let me say it again, Hellllllllloooooooo.

Let’s see, where do I begin. Let’s start here….

We’re MARRIED!!!! Mmmmmmhmmmmm, that’s Mrs. Heather Kimberling now, thank you very much.

Not that you didn’t already know this exciting news. I warned you. Facebook posts at a nauseating level. Well calm down, it’s over now. Next up, baby posts. Again, you’ve been warned.

My previous post was about the emotional roller coaster that is adoption. Nothing has changed there. Every week it gets a little more intense. Do we start a nursery? Do we have a baby shower? Do we register? Yes, Yes and YES!!!

But then, you talk to the social worker and she lays it out there. The cold hard truth. All answers become, no, maybe and let's wait a little longer.  

Nobody asked for the cold hard truth. You just sit down, all giddy inside waiting, still thinking about the perfect nursery you saw on Pinterest and BAM!!! A dusty thick book is slammed down in front of you, the title, “The Worst Moments of The Best Moment of Your Life.” (Julia Roberts to play HK, Ellen Degeneres to play Jess. It's Hollywood people, we don't make the rules. Just go with it).

So we go back to waiting. Empty room where nursery will be. Pinterest boards remain pinless, giddiness, butterflies and excitement still alive, yet subdued because you really don’t know what to do or how to feel.

What if she changes her mind? This is a huge possibility. We can’t come home from Arizona to a perfected nursery. But what if everything goes perfectly? We don’t have a perfect room for our perfect Shane. So what do you do? Well, I’ll tell ya. You freak out because Birth Mom (BM), we like to call her First Mom (FM, because I can’t type BM without giggling), is due in three weeks. THREE WEEKS.  

All of your plans for that perfect Pinterest nursery go flying right out the door. THREE WEEKS. Jess painted the room a perfect, “Azure Snow.” Keeping it fancy. The chest we were going to sand and repaint, it’s brown, un-sanded and perfect for clothes and diapers and a changing pad. Crib (to be put together this weekend). Check. Bookcase. Check. Toybox. Check. Arguments about what pieces to put on walls. Check. Check.

So, that’s what's going on in our neck of the woods, but wait, there’s more. Stay tuned. I have created a series of blogs to update you on when we are leaving. Skype dates with FM. Where we are staying. Our fears and our excitement about how our life is going to become so rich with emotion and love (and completely turn upside down) in a few weeks.  We can’t wait to share our journey with you and hope you will give any and all advice of your journey in parenthood. As a niece, nephew, uncle, aunt, sister, brother. See, there’s always a journey and advice somewhere.

Cheers

HK and Jess

Stupid Roller Coasters

This is my friend Anthony. Everybody say, “Hi Anthony.”

This is Anthony doing what he loves.

Anthony is a lover of roller coasters. He knows the history of roller coasters, the difference between wood coasters and metal coasters, the mechanics of coasters, and he even has a sick tattoo on his arm of a roller coaster. The coaster love is serious people.

This is Jess and Heather. Everybody say, “Hi Jess and Heather.”

We’re not roller coaster people. We’re the kind of gals that like to ride the swings, just don’t go too fast or too high because we just ate funnel cakes.

So let me break this whole adoption thing down for you, the best way I know how, by metaphor of course.

The day you decide to adopt is the day you buy your ticket to the amusement park.

The wait until a birth mom picks you is like the wait on a hot summer day to get on your most favorite ride ever. You get aggravated, excited, anxious, pissed off at the people that go before you because you know for sure you got in line before them.

Before you know it, you’ve zig-zagged your way to the red line, talked to everyone beside you and finally, it’s your turn. IT’S FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!  You get in, lock yourself in, put your hands up and you’re off.

Fast around the corner and then…you stop again. And you wait. Climbing the hill, slowly, tick, tick, tick, waiting for that rush of adrenaline, tick, tick, tick, for the moment you’ve been waiting for, tick, tick, tick. For the drop, the loop, the upside down and the corkscrews. Tick, tick, tick, why didn’t we just ride the damn swings.  And then you drop, and scream and pray a bug doesn’t fly in your mouth (that’s not adoption, that’s my life), it’s everything you expected. Nothing feels as freeing, as fun or scary at that very moment. Until you stop again, to go up the next hill…tick, tick, tick.

This is adoption.

An emotional roller coaster.

Erica, (birth mom) has had a rough two weeks, emotionally. Which means we’ve had a rough two weeks, emotionally.

Two weeks ago Erica had a bad day at the doctor, (baby is fine). This led to her saying she would not go back, which led to her not wanting to talk to us. Tick, tick. tick.

Social worker said this is common, not a red flag and stated the next three months will be the hardest  and most stressful emotional roller coaster ride we’ve ever been on. Yeah, we got it, tick, tick, freaking tick.

And then, out of nowhere, we get an email that says, “someone wanted to say hi,” Attached are three beautiful pictures of Erica outside of the doctor’s office waving hello. Our hands are up, our heart is full and we’re enjoying the ride.

Social Worker emailed this evening, she is sending a new disc with new ultrasound images and, “Erica says hello and she hopes to talk to you all soon.”

Anthony, save us a spot in line, we’re getting a season pass. I have a feeling we’re going to be here for a while. So long swings.

Until the next update, Cheers!!!

-Jess and HK

Our First Family Photo

When thinking about adoption, or even talking to others about adoption, one of the main questions asked, are you going to have an open or closed adoption? Our answer has always been closed. But then it went to semi-open. We have agreed to three letters a year, including pictures. What we never talked about, or even thought about, was the relationship with the birth mother, before the birth. Never. Not once, did I picture myself thinking about the next time I would talk to the woman carrying our child. Not once did I think I would ache to talk to our birth mom on the phone. No way did I think I would really like her, dare I say care about her. 

Now listen, we understand boundaries. We respect these boundaries on both sides. There's no way you can have a conversation with a woman that is giving you her child and not develop some sort of connection. Did I mention she's funny, she's smart, she's beautiful, she has a southern twang and listens to the Grateful Dead. 

Tonight was our second Skype Date (that's what we're calling it...dates). Although the nerves were still there, it felt more casual. Yvette (the social worker) gave her the card we sent her. We asked questions about her cravings, (chocolate and Chinese food). She told us about her heartburn. She met Gigi and Granddad (Heather's mom and step-dad). We laughed, we cried, we saw her cute little baby bump. And then...AND THENNNNNNN...

Our First Family Photo

Erica held up the ultrasound, so we took a picture. If you reallllly look you can see the outline of his profile on the top left. If you look harder than that, well, you just see a bunch of black and white lines. Obviously, from the looks on our faces, it took us a while to see his face too. 

Erica goes to the doctor on Monday and we will schedule another date after that. We told her she could send us letters, which are sent via the social worker. We want her to know we are holding her hand through this journey, even though we are 1800 miles away. 

Until then...

HK and Jess

It's really happening

Let's all take a big deep breath. Ready. Inhale. Hold it...hold it. Exhale slowly. Repeat if necessary. Dudes...we're having a baby. Yeah, I KNOW!!!!! 

I'm going to attempt and make this short and sweet. But, we all know I take the long way around everything. You get more facts this way, and we all like the facts. So let's begin. 

Jess and I made the decision to adopt right at a year ago. We contacted Heart to Home Adoption Agency and we have seriously worked with the nicest person ever. Her name is Leigh and she has guided us through this journey with the most optimism one could possibly have. Even when we weren't feeling those same optimal vibes. We created a profile, we turned in a crazy amount of paperwork and we waited. And waited. Annnnnnnnd, waited. Nothing. So, we decided it was time to branch out, nationally. 

Now, here's the deal. While your home agency continues to show your profile to local birth mom's, you get in touch with other adoption lawyers and agencies. They make you aware of situations they have and you apply for that birth mom to look at your profile. Yep, that's right, you apply. And these applications are not free. A birth mom is then given a list of couples who have applied, and they choose one couple (or single person), who they feel is best to raise their child. 

Let me tell you something peeps, rejection in the dating world ain't got nothing on rejection in the "I want to be a mom, please pick me," world. I promise. 

While we hadn't given up, we had merely slowed down the process of applying. I was going to finish school, we talked about the possibilities of fostering, or, we just didn't talk about it at all. 

September 19, I received an email from one of the lawyers we have been working with. She attached two different profiles of birth mom's in Arizona. No application fee. Boom. Yes, please. Why not? 

September 21st, I emailed all paperwork and our PowerPoint profile to lawyer. 

September 22nd, "I received all your information and I'm forwarding to agency in Arizona now."

September 23rd, "Hi Heather, this is rare, but it does happen, you and Jess have been picked by one of the birth mom's and she wants to know if you can Skype Wednesday before she makes her final decision." (Holy poop my pants. Cue happy dance in the back yard with Jess.)

September 24th, We Skype with potential birth mom for introduction, we felt an instant connection. 

September 25th, "Hey Heather, it's Robyn from (agency in Arizona), Erica picked you and Jess and if you will accept her offer to be your birth Mom, we will send you paper work to get started." (Cue to pull over on the side of the road, cry, talk to Robyn for an hour on said side of the road. Cue again to the LONGEST drive home to tell Jess, tears, tears, tears, happy dance, tears!!!!) 

Here are the facts:

Erica can turn away at any time and we are completely aware of this. 

We are beginning this process with the end in sight, so we want to focus on the future with our child, not what could go wrong. 

Erica is having a boy. 

She is 22 weeks and due February 3rd. 

We will Skype with Erica every week and I will continue to update you on questions and concerns and all the joys in between. 

We shall call him...Shane Patrick Kimberling. 

We love him (and Erica, and her selfless decision to give him up for adoption) and we can't wait to create a life of love, happiness and safety for this precious soul. 

Stay tuned...

HK and Jess

(I think this was the picture that won her over)

(Actually, she picked us because she liked our house. Reminded her of where she grew up)